A FEW FRIENDS AND I MET UP AT DINNER FOR A GATHERING OF FORMER HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS.
Most were tan, well-dressed and happy. While former colleagues looked great, I realized many were suffering from health problems, some used canes, wheelchairs or walkers due to knee replacements, or arthritis. Others who looked and walked well were suffering from invisible health problems. While I was seeing they looked healthy, I was making a judgement based on what I cannot see and not seeing they could be suffering.
The National MS Society has a “But You Look So Good!” support group which addresses hidden symptoms. One of the greatest challenges about hidden symptoms is that unless you choose to tell people what is bothering you, they do not know that anything is wrong. When you are asked to do an extra project at work, volunteer, or attend evening functions, you can communicate your limitations and decline.
When people are not aware that is when people can judge and blame you by thinking you are not doing your part, or you are choosing to be lazy and not a “team player.”
It might be good to tell a few coworkers or neighbors about your health. It can be difficult to disclose your illness with people you trust. It can be human weakness to judge others or make assumptions but it helps to share bottled-up emotions and frustrations about looking good but feeling less than healthy.
Only you can decide who to tell or decide how to handle the health situation. The daily challenge with hidden symptoms is to balance how you feel on the inside with how you look on the outside.
There is a dichotomy between how you look and how you may feel. Some hidden health problems can include fatigue, fibromyalgia, mental illness, visual problems, severe hearing loss, cancer, confusion and forgetfulness, stiffness, bladder problems, chronic pain—the list goes on. Dozens of non-obvious symptoms are often referred to as invisible, hidden or silent symptoms.
Many are being told, “You are lucky that you are in great health!” People, including family members, can assume that if you can’t see health issues then they don’t exist and there is nothing wrong. It can be human weakness to make certain judgements about others when not understanding what they are going through.
The late artist, Elvis Presley, sang the classic song, “Walk A Mile in My Shoes.” One line from it says a lot: “Before you abuse, criticize or accuse– walk a mile in my shoes.” Perhaps consider, before a judgement, to walk in someone’s shoes or try to see their invisible health problems.
We also need personal “health integrity” and honestly do what we can to advocate for our health. Using health as an excuse to do our part is dishonest and can lead to misconceptions that are not honest about diseases and the conditions as a result of disease.
A common misconception is that being tired is the same as chronic fatigue due to illness, when no one knows what is going on inside the body. When health problems are not obvious, it can lead to questions if aches and pains are imagined when someone looks perfectly healthy and symptoms are not obvious.
Sometimes I go to a person who looks healthy and I tell them outright that I judge them. I tell them they are not doing their part, their aches and pains are imagined and they are using their disease as an excuse.
Then I am reminded of Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:3, “Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?” I am challenged by the wooden beam in my own eye, my own downfalls. And then I apologize for my lack of trust, blindness and ask for forgiveness. I make certain I can help my fellow brothers and sisters in my work and community. I pray for them and their health needs, and I ask God to forgive me and bless me. I feel at peace with a God who is so understanding, forgiving and healing. I vow to not judge a person…. although I slip.
Sister Karen Zielinski is the Director of Canticle Studio. Canticle Studio is a part of the Sisters of St. Francis of Sylvania, OH’s overall advancement effort and has a mission of being a creative center where artists generate works, products, and services in harmony with the mission of the Sisters St. Francis.
She can be reached at kzielins@sister sosf.org or 419-824-3543. ✲
