FALLING IN LOVE can feel exciting, even exhilarating. But, over time, these feelings may change to something more mellow or calm. This doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship.
Romantic love is a key goal for many people. Whether you’ve been in love before or have yet to fall in love for the first time, you might think of this love as the pinnacle of romantic experiences— perhaps even the pinnacle of life experiences.
But over time, you might find yourself thinking, “I love her” instead of “I’m in love with her.” Loving someone instead of feeling “in love” with them simply illustrates how feelings of love evolve over the course of a relationship, especially a long-term relationship.
Andrew Lloyd Webber composed a beautiful song, “Love Changes Everything,” for the musical Aspects of Love. Being in love generally refers to those intense feelings that take over at the start of a relationship. These include infatuation, happiness, excitement and nervousness, and sexual attraction and lust. Being in love can change the way you see things. Even everyday activities like going to the grocery store can become more enjoyable. You might also look at other things with new eyes. You feel charged and euphoric around her; falling in love involves a lot of hormones, which can supercharge your feelings and make them wildly fluctuate. When you’re around the person you love, increases in dopamine and norepinephrine lead to feelings of pleasure, giddiness, nervous excitement, and euphoria. Other key hormones, such as oxytocin and vasopressin, help cement your attraction by promoting trust, empathy, and other factors of long-term attachment. Typically, being in love with someone means that you want to spend as much time with them as possible. This might also involve a desire to get to know more about them by exploring their interests. When love is mutual, they’ll probably feel the same way about you and want to spend just as much time getting to know you.
Being in love can make it easy to idealize your partner’s best traits and gloss over the less-than-positive ones. It’s normal to focus on someone’s best side when in love. But it’s also important to watch for red flags or relationship incompatibilities. If your friends point things out, consider what they have to say. They aren’t in love with your partner, so they have a clearer perspective and may notice things you miss.
Love takes a lot of forms, and it can change over time. In October, in part 2 of “The Difference Between Being in Love with Someone and Loving Someone,” we’ll look at some of the ways your feelings may change when you love your partner but don’t necessarily feel in love with them. Till then...
Daniel J Jachimiak, BA, is a writer and speaker. Dan can be reached at djachimiak@bex.net or 419-787-2036. ✲
