FOR PARENTS, THE LOSS OF A CHILD to suicide creates emotional wounds that can never fully heal and raises a host of questions that can be extremely painful to confront. Why didn’t they see the suicide coming? What could have been done differently to prevent it? How can they ever move on from this tragedy and embrace life again?
On February 20, 2021, Kevin and Deb O’Connell faced this anguish head-on when their son James sadly ended his life at the age of 35.
James had been involved in an unhealthy long-term relationship, in which he was constantly controlled, manipulated, and threatened. The relentless emotional abuse led to severe depression and, ultimately, drove him to suicide. “James was such a wonderful person, and he thought he could make it work right up to the end, but at that point he was a shell of himself,” Kevin says. Unfortunately, at that critical juncture, James was unable to access the crisis care he truly needed. “We knew he was struggling and were able to get him into therapy, but he couldn’t get in to see a psychiatrist because there was a wait time of eight to 12 weeks for an appointment,” Kevin recalls.
Deb adds, “This is a real story that’s happening to real families every day. Both men and women suffer emotionally in unhealthy relationships, but men are more likely to internalize their feelings until depression sets in and tragedy results.”
Deb also notes that research conducted by the University of Toledo Medical Center Department of Psychiatry has shown that unhealthy relationships actually affect the control center of the brain, so simply leaving the situation won’t necessarily resolve the emotional issues. “Even if James had gotten out of the relationship, he would still have needed years of therapy and counseling because he had begun to view the control and manipulation as normal,” she says.
The question of how to move forward after James’s passing inspired Kevin and Deb to establish a foundation in his name—the James Patrick O’Connell Legacy of Love Foundation. The mission of this non-profit, 501c3 foundation is to honor and celebrate James’s life as well as raise funds to address the urgent needs of individuals who are struggling in unhealthy relationships and improve access to crisis mental health care in our community.
In life, James loved and excelled in the sport of tennis. In fact, he was a high school state tennis champion for St. Francis de Sales High School in Toledo, and an all-conference tennis player three times for the University of Dayton. He also volunteered at Jermain Park, introducing kids to the game of tennis. So, in commemoration of James and his passion for the game, the JPO Foundation will be hosting the 1st Annual James P. O’Connell “It’s All About Love” Tennis Charity Event on Saturday, June 11. This family-friendly event, to be held at Twos Athletic Club, 2222 Cass Rd., Toledo, will feature French Open Doubles Champions Luke and Murphy Jensen.
The day’s schedule will consist of two components. The first element will include clinics with the Jensens, college coaches, and local pros from 9:00 to 11:00 a.m. followed by a professional exhibition with the Jensens (to be broadcast live on BCSN), lunch, refreshments, and a live band from 11:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. The fee to participate in this component is $75 per person or $125 per couple. The second element, to be held from 2:00 to 4:00 p.m., is free and will include kids clinics with the Jensens, college coaches, and local pros, as well as other children’s activities.
To RSVP for tickets, clinics, the exhibition, and the free kids clinics, please visit the JPO Foundation website at www.JPO.Foundation. Sponsorship opportunities at several different levels are also available on the foundation’s website.
All proceeds from the James P. O’Connell “It’s All About Love” Tennis Charity Event will be used to educate area students on promoting healthy relationships and distributed to local non-profit mental health care providers specifically directed at making mental health care more accessible and timely in our community.
Among the organizations currently slated to receive funding from the proceeds are the JED Foundation, the One Love Foundation, ProMedica Teen Pep, the University of Toledo Medical Center Department of Psychiatry, and A Renewed Mind.
Kevin and Deb are also pleased to announce that an organization set up through the JPO Foundation, called F2T, will be rolled out in 2023 in collaboration with UDayton Flyers Athletics, the UD Psychology Department, and the UD Tennis Team. F2T, which stands for “Free to Talk,” will have the mission of encouraging dialogue versus internalizing it.
The O’Connells urge anyone who is struggling with an unhealthy relationship—or has a loved one who is—to visit the JPO Foundation website at www.JPO.Foundation. “If you go to the website, you’ll find a wide variety of helpful information and resources. Or, if you’d like to talk to someone who knows what you’re going through, you can contact me and Deb directly at 419-367-0966 or sfstennis76@bex.net. We’ll be happy to listen and help in any way we can. Our primary goal is to do whatever we can to prevent another family from having to go through what we’re going through,” says Kevin. ✲
