“TAKE TIME TO SMELL THE ROSES” would seem to be good advice, but many families today are so overscheduled, over-programmed, and overburdened with activities and commitments that they don’t have time to give the roses a second glance, let alone slow down long enough to appreciate their aroma. While families are getting pulled in every direction, their interactions become “like ships that pass in the night” or are limited to time spent in the car shuttling from one activity to the next. For a time, it may be possible to balance multiple commitments without burning out, but eventually, the stress of over-involvement leaves everyone in the family feeling exhausted, irritable, and resentful and can even lead to symptoms of anxiety or depression.
What’s behind this excessive busyness? In addition to unavoidable work and school responsibilities, kids’ extracurricular activities are a major drain on family time. In an effort to provide every conceivable enrichment opportunity, parents these days enroll their kids in every conceivable activity—organized sports, scouting, music and dance lessons, art classes, and foreign language lessons to name but a few. Of course, the more activities their kids are involved in, the more time parents spend chauffeuring them from place to place.
But family burnout is not an unavoidable byproduct of modern life. Here are some tips to help overscheduled families reclaim a little quality time to spend together:
Lighten the extracurricular load
Sure, sports and other extracurricular activities are good for kids. Vegetables are good for kids, too, but you don’t need to serve them every vegetable in the produce aisle at every meal. Encourage your child to choose one or two preferred activities and focus on them. Not only will this free up more family time, but it will also teach your child that it’s better to excel at a few activities rather than be a “jack of all trades but master of none.” The first activities to go should be the ones that interest your child the least. Also, try to avoid “never-ending sports season syndrome.” Given the rising obesity rate among children, their involvement in organized sports is certainly to be encouraged and is well worth the time investment. But if important family functions and traditions continually take a back seat to team activities all year round, it may be time to restore a little balance. Besides, a little downtime in between sports seasons helps prevent repetitive and overuse injuries, which are on the rise among young athletes.
Practice polite refusal
The ability to politely say no is a skill worth developing if you want to reclaim more family time. While it’s easy to feel guilty when you refuse someone’s request for your involvement in an activity, project, or program—especially when the individual or organization has charitable aims—you have to weigh the benefits of your involvement against the impact it might have on your family, finances, and emotions. If you decide it’s not worth the personal cost, a good way to handle the request is to give a response like, “That sounds like a terrific opportunity. Thank you for considering me. However, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to give the project/activity the time and attention it deserves.”
Treat your time like money
There are myriad worthwhile causes and charities in need of your money. However, it won’t do you or the charities any good if you give and give until there’s nothing left in your bank account. The same applies to your time. You have to be discerning in how you apportion it. Just because others might benefit from the use of your free time doesn’t mean you should feel obligated to surrender it.
Kids need time to relax, unwind, exercise their imagination, or simply engage in unstructured play. But if they’re already overscheduled, don’t expect this important time to become available spontaneously. Set aside a few hours each day for your kids to just be kids—not students, athletes, musicians, dancers, artists, or anything else.
Whether you gather around the dinner table several nights a week or get together every Friday evening for game night, it’s important to build some family togetherness into your week, as well. Emphasize to your kids that they are expected to be present with the family at these times, just as they are expected to show up for football practice or violin lessons, and that cell phones and other distractions are not allowed.
If it’s difficult to find the time to set aside for family, you may need to take a long, hard look at your obligations to determine what should stay and what you can really afford to let go. ✲
