MANY ADULTS O FA CERTAIN AGE might remember watching Saturday morning cartoons on TV, with a frequent dose of commercials for sugary breakfast cereal. There was an outcry at the time that being exposed to such unhealthy messages was bad for kids.
Today, the unhealthy—and often dangerous—messages that children are exposed to come by way of the internet. “The biggest danger is that there are adults with bad intentions trying to harm kids and you can’t see them,” said Erin Wiley, a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and owner/therapist of The Willow Center. “They can be talking to your kids while you’re sitting in the same room and don’t even know it. That’s the secrecy of the internet.”
The dangers don’t just come from strangers; they’re also from peers. Wiley said children are mocked, teased, and tricked by their classmates. In previous generations, children who suffered such abuse at school could get a reprieve by being at home. “Now,” she said, “kids take the entire school with them in their hand. They can be teased and socially crucified and parents don’t know this is happening because kids are reticent to tell them.”
However, she said, “If we set up guidelines, hopefully we can provide a little more safety for kids.”
One: Wait as long as possible to give your kids internet technology.
“Remember that you’re handing your kids a means by which they can be fed advertising and messages you might not want for them,” Wiley said. “The internet doesn’t have your best interests in mind.”
She reminds parents that children don’t have fully developed brains, so they don’t have the ability for sound, rational thought. “We think kids should know better because they should understand the risks,” she said, “but they don’t.”
Two: When kids get home from school, put their phones away, and no phones in the bedroom.
Have them fill their time with other activities. This is easier said than done, but, she said, “As a parent, you have to be strong to just say no, even if they are loud and make your life difficult.” This leads into the next guideline:
Three: Don’t give in. Set specific rules for internet device use “that you’re not willing to give in on,” she said.
Four: Fight technology with technology. “Parents can go online to find resources for internet safety,” she said. Software is available to block unwanted content.
Five, and perhaps most important: Talk with your kids frankly yet calmly. “Just talking with your kids in plain, simple language about the dangers of the internet, not scaring them, but explaining that there are people out there who want to hurt people, and they think kids are easy to hurt,” Wiley said.
It’s like the talk parents have with their children about drinking and being at parties, she said. Parents tell their children if they’re in a place where there’s alcohol and they are uncomfortable, to call and they’ll be picked up without question. Same with internet safety. “Make it OK for them to talk with their parents if they see danger or if they have a fear or concern,” she said.
On the other hand, parents should stay calm “so kids can feel comfortable coming to you. Tell them if they feel hopeless, don’t believe that, come to us. Tell them there’s nothing that together we can’t handle.”
Wiley advised that parents should invest time and energy in their kids’ interests “so that when things do go wrong, you’ve created a safe space for those kids, and it would be natural for them to come to you and not feel like they have to hide from you.”
Dennis Bova is a freelance writer and editor. ✲
