Running in the dark
OBSCURITY: THE STATE OF BEING UNKNOWN, UNCLEAR AND IRRATIONAL.
This can feel like someone or something is not being seen to the point of blindness. There is a lack of awareness. An awareness of being alive and to surround yourself with what gets you through a hard thing.
“The other implication, of course, is that you’re not crazy and it’s not just you. And I think it’s worth repeating the explanation the researchers gave for time dilation in dangerous conditions: “greater than usual sensory awareness.” Running hard is a very intense, heightened state of awareness. Time crawls, and it hurts. But there can be no doubt whatsoever, during those moments, that you’re alive.” Alex Hutchinson, Runner's World
I could hear her feet dragging behind me, shallow breath following as a dark-haired, middle-aged woman trudged behind me during an August 12k race in Clark Lake, Michigan.
I drove an hour away, felt sick that morning and to make matters worse, on my way I smelled Canadian smoke and construction fumes, and I did all this to pay $30 to suffer for seven miles over some hills for fun. It seems there is no doubt that, during hard moments such as this, we are very much alive. It doesn't tend to feel that way. It tends to feel like a never-ending hill. This hill does not reveal where the top is, or when it will end. Sometimes the simple things can be more complicated than they look, mere irrationality. And most of the time, humans are not really looking for answers; they are looking to find something that makes them feel alive.
While running the 12k, I was pushing an 8:45- 9-minute pace for the first 3-4 miles, while pacing someone who was trying her best to keep pushing up the hills behind me. By mile four, I could tell I was losing energy, and by mile five I was closer to a 12-minute pace, and she ran ahead of me. She saw that pushing up those hills looked easy, while I was beginning to feel weak and I had to tell my brain I was not climbing a mountain; I was almost there; I am still alive. Final time-1:09:38.6.
Oftentimes, the aliveness as a runner comes from appreciating what surrounds you, the beauty of nature, the audience cheering you on and passing out water to drink or spraying you with water to cool you off, the resilience and discipline it takes to get to the finish line, and the reward you get afterwards. Telling yourself positive things and listening to what your body can do. Most importantly, the joy of seeing other people overcome challenges.
runnersworld.com/training/a20861 286/yes-time-really-slows-downwhen- youre-running-hard/. ✲
