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A STONE THROWN INTO A POND produces ripples that spread outward after the water’s surface is broken. So, too, when the spirit of a person is broken by domestic violence, the ripple effects go farther than one might think.
Yet, while the incidence of domestic violence has grown locally during the pandemic, there is hope that life will be better for abuse survivors and their ripple-effect loved ones.
The rise is thought to have been driven by spouses and children spending more time at home together during lockdowns. “And numbers have stayed consistently high despite the incidence of COVID-19 going down.”
Many among the public think the fallout of abuse stops at the victim, but not so. “Your children, your whole family, your parents, siblings, cousins, and co-workers. Every person who has a meaningful relationship with you or even a distant one is affected by the results of the violence too.”
The ripple effects, like those generated by the stone in the pond, begin with the smallest of people. “When pregnant women are abused, their babies are affected,” Price says. The stress of abuse causes expectant mothers to produce a hormone called cortisol, which the fetus absorbs through the placenta. Studies have shown that babies born to abused women develop health problems. “People doing studies on domestic violence have overlooked this for a while,” Price says, “but now more attention is being paid to how this affects children before they’re born.”
The next ripple is young children, some of whom manifest their response to seeing violence in the home by wetting the bed, throwing severe tantrums, or, in severe cases, experiencing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
When those children become school age, they may have trouble focusing in class or have difficulty developing friendships among their classmates.
Or, in some cases, school for these youngsters becomes their safe place, where they can excel. But going back to a home of abuse can cause physical problems. “I’ve worked with some kids who get stomachaches or headaches from being at home,” says Price.
The problems continue as the ripple grows. “A lot of teenagers I work with who witness abuse develop mental health disorders, which can be worked on,” Price says. “They also have depression and anxiety and live in a state of fear—and they often don’t know what a normal home is like.” She adds that some of these teens develop eating disorders and abuse drugs and alcohol.
“One of the main tactics an abuser uses”—and Price is quick to point out that women are victims by a much higher rate than men, but men are abused as well—“is isolation, driving a wedge between the person and that person’s support system.” That tactic figures into the next ripple: the extended family. “The abuser can get angry at you or blame you or physically harm you when you want to visit your parents or spend time with a brother or sister or constantly text when you’re visiting.”
The result is that families feel anxiety, fear, anger, and depression by being distanced from their loved one. “They also can be confused as to why an abuse survivor does not just leave the abuser—they think it’s easy,” Price says, “but that’s the most dangerous time in a relationship.”
The next ripple is not one of people, but of time’s passage. “People talk about generational issues of race and poverty,” Price says, “but there’s generational trauma. There’s a cycle. A child whose parents are in an abusive relationship doesn’t see what a normal household is like, so that child can be more prone to grow up to be in an abusive relationship. And people who are abused are at a higher risk of health problems, such as heart disease, that can be passed down to their children.”
She adds, “In many studies on domestic violence, if you grew up in an abusive household you are not guaranteed to become an abuser. But when looking at people who are abusers, it is very common that they grew up in an abusive household.”
Those who feel the pain of a domestic abuse survivor can turn that anguish into hope. “If you’re concerned,” Price says, “it’s important to speak up when safe to do so with that family member. If you know abuse is happening, provide resources, such as telling that person about The Cocoon or other agencies. Offer for them to stay at your house for a few days until that survivor figures out a plan.” In extreme cases, take the survivor to the hospital or go with her or him to file a police report.
“The important thing is to offer support and let them know they’re not alone, that there are community resources, and that you believe them.”
Education is important to stem the spread of domestic violence, Price says. People need to learn about this so that the subject of domestic violence can be talked about more freely, “because if no one’s talking, then no one’s going to speak up.”
Price says, “The reason I do this job is that someday I don’t have to do it anymore. It’s going to take a long time, but it’s not hopeless. If we support our community organizations and resources, we can lower domestic violence rates dramatically.”
“We’ve served more people than we ever did before the pandemic,” says Ellysia Price, youth advocate at The Cocoon, the Bowling Green-based agency that provides support for domestic abuse survivors.
Contact The Cocoon at thecocoon.org or its 24-hour phone number, 419-373-1730.
Dennis Bova is a freelance writer and editor.
