PARENTING IS CHALLENGING. Whether you are pregnant, have a newborn, have a teenager, or anything else in between, parenting is just challenging. Over the past year, the universe has brought to us a new challenge, a global pandemic. This past year has tested our boundaries, empathy, and, most of all, our patience with each other and the people that we care for the most, our children.
When they say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” never have truer words been spoken. We send our children to school every day, they have activities they do after school or after dinner, there are playdates with other children, or parents go out for an occasional meal without their children. This year, however, schools were closed for long stretches of time and remote learning took over, extracurricular activities were severely lacking, if not completely gone, and many restaurants were only offering takeout. So, along came an explosion of family time that introduced a chance to irritate each other all day, every day, as opposed to a few times a week. With that came the lack of patience and the growing irritability.
With some schools shut down at the beginning of the pandemic and many schools, even now, only remote learning or having a hybrid schedule, it is increasingly difficult to function day to day. Although some schools are open five days a week, there are times when families have had to quarantine due to exposure. Increased efforts to keep the children busy so one or both parents can navigate working from home has fueled anxiety and depression. The lack of routine because, hey, you have nowhere to go, exacerbated irritability and left us all wondering if there was an end in sight.
So, this raises the question, what can be done to not feel so anxious or depressed? Of course, seeing a therapist is a huge help, but not everyone can afford a therapist or has the time to devote to therapy. For everyday stressors, such as lack of patience, it is so important to find time for self-care. Self-care? During a pandemic? Yes! Self care can be as simple as drinking more water or screaming into a pillow, or it could be taking time to exercise or go for a walk. Whatever you decide, try to spend a little time on yourself. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup.
The biggest form of self-care you can do is to stop trying to be “super parent”! Lower your expectations of yourself and of those around you. We are all going through this together. Your children’s mental health is suffering just like yours. This is not the time to try to do Pinterest crafts with your children or make homemade bread (but if that is your form of self-care, go for it). If your children watch TV or play videogames a little more than you would normally allow, no big deal. They will be fine.
Stick to a routine. If you had your children go to bed by 8:00 p.m. before the pandemic hit, keep having them go to bed at 8:00 p.m., whether you have somewhere to go the next day or not. The lack of routine can be detrimental to your mental health as well as your children’s mental health. We are creatures of habit. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all need some type of routine. Try sticking to the same routine you were doing before in terms of bedtime and a morning routine so when things go back to normal, it is not a complete shock to your system.
Lastly, be kind to each other! We are all in this together, and we need to be there for each other now more than ever. A kind word or words of encouragement can go a long way, especially with children. Remember this pandemic is not permanent and we will get through this with a little patience and empathy.
Joy Stocker, MA, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor at The Willow Center and can be reached at 419-720-5800.
